The ups and downs of Long Distance

There are many songs about it, many teenage rom com movies and tv show storylines centered around it, but when it comes to fully living out a long distance relationship for an extended period of time, it is anything but Nicholas Sparks-esque drama. Doing long distance for over a year and a half and three different states was anything but romantic, but ding dang it was SO WORTH IT.

A little background on US. Alex and I met the fall of 2016, at my sorority's bus party. He was my friend's date because her boyfriend at the time could not go and we sort of hit it off then. From that point on we had seen each other from time to time at parties, but it wasn't until March 2017 when he asked for my snapchat and I invited him to Alpha Chi's philanthropy and the rest has been history and here we are two years later. Classic tale of sorority girl meets Fraternity boy. Where is THAT love story hallmark and Nicholas Sparks!?

Alex is two years older than me so he graduated before I did and when off to start his big boy job as an Engineer. He graduated midway through my junior year and went back to Chicago to start work at a small company. Everything was pretty ideal at this point. I would visit Alex and he would visit me and it was a lovely balance. He lived close to my parents as well as my grandparents and I was actively looking for graduate schools and we were going to go wherever I got the best offer.

However, those dreams kinda got turned upside down when Alex had to leave his job in June of 2018. He moved in with his family in Indiana where he worked a side job in landscaping until he found another engineering job. For about two months, he had some leads, but they never turned into full time offers.

This time in our lives was truly one of the most challenging times in our relationship. Everything was up in the air. We had planned a future together, but where would we be? Not only was planning for the future a stressful task, but watching your significant other's confidence start to decrease with every closed door and having to be that rock for the both of you can take its toll. I had always been one for taking care of others, but this was something entirely different.

August of 2018, Alex FINALLY got job, and a good one, out in Fairfield, Ohio (where we are now!). I will never forget getting that text from Alex telling me that he was offered the job and told me what the starting salary was. He immediately jumped on it. I had never felt so much relief in my entire life. We were in the midst of primary recruitment and If you're a sorority girl who has been through recruitment you know that it is already a stressful and tiring week, and getting that news lit a fire under me even after 8+ hours of standing, singing, and talking to PNM's.

Although we were relieved that Alex finally had another engineering job, the next season of our relationship would be one of the hardest, yet rewarding seasons. For the next 9 months while I finished my senior year at Iowa State, and Alex was 8+ hours away in Ohio, we had to do the longest of the long distances. What turned into visiting each other once or twice a month turned into once or twice throughout those 9 months. The car trip was tasking as well. I visited once in October to visit my now graduate school, Miami University, once in February for my Miami Interview and then Alex finally visited me for my graduation back in May. (okay, we did see each other for holidays, my side for Thanksgiving, his side for Christmas!)

That year and a half total of long distance had its hardships, but it also came with silver linings and lessons:

Hardships:

-Whenever we would disagree or have an argument, it had to be resolved over the phone or we would take a few hours to cool off and then come together.

-Going off of the first point^^it stunk not being with your S/O to resolve issues or talk about what bugged us or stressed us out that day. One of the love languages we have in common is definitely "physical touch", and we had to learn to cope without each other during that time.

-Not going to lie, I was super jealous whenever I would see couples out or when my friends would hangout with their S/O. I remember thinking how I would kill to have Alex in Ames with me. It made me miss the time we were at Iowa State together.

Silver Linings/Lessons:

- Long distance taught me independence. I was super clingy to Alex during the first few months of our relationship, and not having him there taught me to explore more passions for myself and take some more self-care/me time.

-I,OF COURSE, had my girlies out there in Ames and had the best of times that year and a half! I had already been close with my girlfriends, but I felt a much stronger connection and more #girlgang vibes just from the adventures we would go on junior and senior year!

-Dealing with conflict, arguments, and disagreements, while long distance was a tough feat but it taught the both of us that love truly is patient and it takes a lot of sacrifice and compromise. That argument you desperately want to win? Let it go. Swallow your pride, apologize, and be there for each other. You will be happy you did.

Overall, if two people are committed and in love ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. How's that for Nicholas Sparks/Hallmark cheesy?! It won't be easy and it certainly isn't perfect, but long distance is doable! So if you're reading this and in a long distance relationship, and you've heard horror stories or people have been judging your relationship... I see you! Hold on, it gets easier. Love each other and grow together in your own organic way. I promise it will be worth it!

In the meantime, take some time for yourself to explore other passions and who you are separate from the relationship and go on adventures with your girls or other friends. Those relationships need just as much watering and work as your romantic one!